


Meaningless

by backupjunk



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Golden Lace, Hopeful Ending, Miscarriage, Rumbelle - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:12:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21700861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/backupjunk/pseuds/backupjunk
Summary: Prompted a long time ago on tumblr: "Don't tell me to give up like everything is meaningless."
Relationships: Lacey/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	Meaningless

**Author's Note:**

> I found this on my cloud storage after having forgotten that I wrote it after getting the prompt AGES ago. So, I decided you all get to hurt as much as I hurt when I reread it. Fair's fair. It's the only Golden Lace fic I've ever written.

She stumbles along the moonlit sidewalk, staring at the cold cement, at the cracks the years have wrought and she imagines her life sliding out of her, down into those cracks and disappearing beneath the earth. 

Liquor rolls heavily through her bloodstream, carrying her best intentions far from her mind as she walks. Her heart sits bruised in her chest, the weight of sorrow tearing at the fragile threads of her soul and she lifts the bottle for another swig.

“Lacey.”

She ignores him and takes a deep gulp, frowning when she sees she’s drained the bottle and tosses it aside, a flicker of satisfaction welling in her as the bottle smashes against the street.

A hand grabs her shoulder and she jerks away, nearly falling in her haste.

“Don’t touch me!”

He’s blurry in front of her, some specter of the night come to claim her life as forfeit for wandering unguarded during the witching hour and she snarls at him.

“Stop following me.”

“No.”

His voice is colder than the ground beneath her feet, his eyes hard like gravestone and her mind swirls possibilities around in a maelstrom, spinning wildly around the inside of her head and she presses cold hands against her temples to stop the mad whirling threatening to drive her insane.

“Go away.” She’s whimpering, her fear has gotten the better of her but she doesn’t care, doesn’t notice maybe. Tears fall, hot and fast and she realizes they are hers.

He’s by her side in a heartbeat, warm hands wiping away the moisture and it makes her sob harder. She hates herself, hates her weakness, the weakness of a body that couldn't manage to do the one thing it was meant to do in this stupid life.

“I hate you.”

Strong arms wind around her and she wishes they would suffocate the life out of her, snuff her like the weak flame of a candle, but she’s only held and clutches back in return as the sobs come hard enough to wrack her frame.

Her knees give out from under her and she feels him take her weight as they sink to the curb. He’s so warm, his fine suit smooth and soft under her grasping, unworthy fingers. Being so close to him will stain him, whatever taint is in her blood will spread and he will suffer for it more than he already does.

“Go away,” she repeats but her voice is strained from the force of her sobs and it comes out as a pathetic whine. She hates him and she hates herself.

“Never.” He pulls back, clutching her shoulders and giving her a little shake. “I am _ never _ going to leave you, do you hear me?”

Her fury clears a path through the bone-deep sorrow and she scowls at him, hurt and rage given free rein on the one person who she truly knows won’t leave her, no matter how she pushes him away. She can hurl her daggers of self-loathing at him and he will take them for her. So she digs deep and throws.

“I don’t care, Gold. I don’t care about you and I don’t care about this. My life is better without it and yours will be, too.” She clenches her jaw so hard she imagines her teeth will splinter from the force. “So just _ give up already _.”

He scans her face for one painful moment, the sadness in his eyes a counterpoint to the cornered fury of hers, the perfect balm to settle the unfairness of it all, the feelings, the _ emptiness _ inside her threatening to consume her. His face breaks, and he’s crushing her to him once more, his arms around her like a vice and she thinks, _ this is it, this is where I die and thank god for it. _

But her life doesn’t end. She’s alive and listening to his own sobs, feeling the tremors wrack his body now and she slides her arms around him in whatever approximation of comfort her twisted mind can come up with.

“Don’t tell me to give up like everything is meaningless.” His voice is muffled against her shoulder, his words dipped in the same sadness she feels swirling around that emptiness consuming her, that hollow with nothing to show but unfulfilled love.

She holds him but can’t reassure him, can’t say she didn't mean it because she _ did_. She meant it. Everything _ was _ meaningless, how could it not be? To get so close and have it all snatched from her in a heartbeat— 

She releases him, pushing herself to stand and wobbles on unsteady legs that beg her to sit back down. She sees his face, shock and sorrow mingling in an unattractive mass. It’s a knife to her gut but she ignores it, wiping the tears from her face and adjusting her uncomfortably tight dress

“I’m going to the bar.”

“What?” He stands and she can see him shaking, his breath labored and trembling in the freezing night. “It’s closed.”

She shrugs, hardening herself against his misery and her own as it screeches at her to take what he’s offering, take herself back home with him, to bed, to sleep and let this nightmare start to end.

“Lacey, come home, please. Don’t do this. Don’t push me away.”

She laughs and it’s disgusting and bitter to her ears. “It’s what I do. It’s the only thing I’m good at.”

He shakes his head and steps towards her, brave man. “It’s not the only thing you’re good at.”

“Yes, it is!” She’s snapped and yelling now, unable to keep it in any longer. “Anything else I could have done died when he—” A sob bursts through and cuts her off and she has to shake herself to get the rest of her misery back in check.

“It doesn’t matter. I told you: give _up_, Gold.”

She turns on her too-high heels and stumbles away from him, the sound of her heart breaking drowning out his whispered words at her back.

“Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> (Holy shit you guys maple wrote a sad 🤭)


End file.
